In the meantime I'm moving on with my life. There are ethical issues for dumpers and soon-to-be dumpers (e.g., being honest about the problems rather than pretending everything is fine), so people can handle it better or worse, but in general, you don't need to feel bad for the fact that this relationship wasn't right for you. Yea I went through that, I thought I'd never go back or want her back. Well, when she did break up I expected to never come back to it. I completely 100% can relate to this. Probably not what you want to hear but no point in not being honest. My romantic expectations would likely be dashed, as usual. This is if they were in a serious relationship, and they broke up due to reasons other than cheating and abuse. I'm glad she seems like she's a lot more relaxed now, but am still very much in love, although I'm not letting it affect my ambitions and activities. I don't necessarily imagine us getting back together and living happily ever after, but I DO imagine an "I told you … Wow. Every single situation is different. In this article, we'll go through the 4 different grass is greener syndrome stages and reveal what the dumper goes through. Lasted 2 months. Another, less significant relationship he ended it (no time for me, I was crushed) but we kept casually seeing eachother for a few months. He would say what he technically did wasn't wrong (start sexual relationships with other people while I was still trying to move out of the house we shared), but it was ethically questionable and definitely hurt me a lot unnecessarily. If he never felt connected or in love, he won't come back. Hello everyone, I see that many people don't see from the dumpers side and I want to share what I went through. Relief/happiness. We're not asking for sympathy. And just being really happy about who I am, no matter my relationship status. Beware "dumper's remorse," says Barbara Neitlich, LCSW, author of Stop Dating Like a Teenager. Eugh. As someone who has been the dumper, my decision came from a place of careful consideration, where in the end, I had no regrets. Usually when this new relationship fails, is when the dumper ends up going back to the one that was dumped, crying and asking for a second chance. The 9 Stages Of A Breakup For The Dumper 1. The one I didn't feel like this, she cheated on me and ran over my dog on purpose...). Their personality can affect whether they come back or not greatly too. In less than two months he tossed me aside just like he did the first time. Our relationship was a rocky start which fed into my insecurities, it's hard for me to open up to people, he knew this and was patient with me which I admired (and that if I wasn't comfortable with something he never forced me or tried to persway me). (8) They never came back.(6). I think my love was more so covered by the stress than gone. 50,669 50.7K. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. 3 years later, I am much happier, and am glad he didn't take me back because I was being silly. They came back for reconciliation, but I denied. It was a total of 35 people questioned. If you ever need to talk or want to bounce day dreams off each other, I'll be here! I have to come off stronger to support him. We never got back together, mostly because the reasons I ending it made a lot of sense. Couples experiencing GIGS take each other for granted. did your exes ever try to stay in contact with you? An ex of mine from college came crawling back 3.5 years later! I'm not a psychologist, and I don't think many people on here are so we can't be for sure what's going on, but he may have commitment issues. It's a pretty sweet fantasy to live in and work towards though. But I do want hm to realize what a terrible mistake he made. That may take some time.. Sorry to say, but being a dumpee myself I don't have to much sympathy for a dumper who regrets their decision and gets turned down. Now, the dumper has to finally deal with the pain from the relationship that was ended at their hands, and the discomfort of the shorter new relationship that failed, its like a double whammy. Keeping NC. These stages could also be called dumper’s regret timeline or dumpers grief cycle. Living well won't be as sweet of a revenge, or be a revenge at all. I started missing her after about 6 months in, it really kicked in at month 7. I broke up with one girl and as I drove away I caught a glimpse of her through a window collapse to the ground in tears. In the meantime, I can't do anything about her so will continue to work on me! By ELM, 5 years ago on Dating. It’s called breakup regret or more commonly, “dumpers regret”, and it’s pretty normal if you just broke up with your girlfriend. Yes, at this point in time, he's still the first person I think of to tell when something funny or remarkable happens. I don't understand...he was just over for a week staying the night but waits until the night before my birthday. It felt bland and boring the whole time. The best revenge is living better, right? I admit, this is the fantasy that keeps me going these days. He also started hanging out with her again almost right after we broke up, so it hurts even more knowing that my gut instinct is right in the fact that he isn't over her and was probably using me for physical comfort (we didn't have sex but we were moving very fast, should've been a red flag for me.). I told myself I'm going to move on, and pretend I didn't want her or miss her. It's like he has already completely written me off, deleted me off everything and have not heard a word since. When he finally called, the call lasted exactly one minute, he said he liked me but wasn't feeling it romantically and that was it. These are the answered they could have given. But I know in my heart I'm not doing it to get him back, I'm doing it because it's what I've always wanted. Now, almost 3 years later, I am very content with my choices and I'm glad he didn't take me back in my moment of weakness. As a male dumpee, this is an awesome post for me, because I can relate to it a lot, though I imagine your break up was a little cleaner. Ugh sorry this ended up being so long, but just need some insight of any kind, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. About the break up, I had a lot f family issues which caused me stress, plus she became more and more clingy which pushed me away. Before this happened he stayed over for a week and only left that Friday because I had a girls night planned that night. She cheated once again. (Sorry but it's what I've seen happen the most often) You need to move on and work on yourself. I'm not into music but was willing to listen to bands he loves (which actually were really good bands). He'll just be a distant person from my past. It will hardly matter. It was an awful decision. He has a key and gets off 3hrs before me...and my apt is close to both of our works. It makes you who you are and let's you move on to someone who will be better for you. It’s a guilty pleasure, but women like to get a little personal “revenge” when they run into their ex-boyfriends, even when they’re completely over them. I'm not waiting for it, but I'd surely give it another shot if she ever comes back. I wanted her back for the wrong reasons and I now realize how bad she was for me. Can't predict emotions like that. It was a long one of almost 4 years so I've also accepted that yes, feeling sad is par for the course, but I'm wanting to take what was so truly beautiful about that relationship and treasure it. The only red flag was he has a past of drinking issues and depression...and he had told me his drinking was getting out of control and he didn't feel himself. I will do more to get more numbers, do not use this as false hope, because if you do and they don't come back, it will hurt like hell. I wouldn't ever feel so compelled to laugh at him (and he knows I'd never do that to him), but I sincerely hope that he'll see what I see, just how good things were at the core between us. I ended up looking ridiculous because i had not realized how over me she was after she cheated on me. I'm trying not to have false hope again because of all these factors of us but even without false hope, I'm not sure if or even how we would be friends again. He wants to be friends, or at least I think he still does, considering he was really casual when we broke up (which Im angry that he wasn't feeling bad at all until I said I wanted him then he started to feel bad). He also said he was becoming emotionally distant (which I felt but didn't want to accept) and the affection I want he can't give right now, however I know I'm kinda clingy/affectionate but we only saw each other on the weekend and surprisingly he would be the one who would initiate a lot of affection when we hung out with friends (I'm not one for PDA, it makes others uncomfortable sometimes, but if my SO wants to and it's not NSFW then Im fine), I personally think these are blanket statements and feel he still has feelings of some sort for his ex. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Depending on what caused you to break up with the person, will determine how long it takes you to get … Dumpees feel free to ask questions and id love to answer, don't be shy. Thank you for sharing. I wanted this girl to be in my life and in my future. i do, and currently trying to get him back. When you enter into an intimate relationship, you tend to do it without the thought “How am I going to break up with this person.” You feel optimism, positivity, joy, and thoughts of “what could be.” But what do you do if things do not turn out for the way you expected? Ive dumped and been dumped, and when you dump someone because its the right thing to do in my opinion it is 10 times harder then getting dumped. I just don't view her in the same light anymore as my "future wife and mother of my child" but I still relive the good times we had and the dreams I had with her growing old together. The answer is different for everyone, but many men will experience a pang of regret within about a month to six weeks after breaking up with you. Why drag it out instead of leaving after work, get your shit, and leave the key under that mat. Not this time round for me, but I ended my last relationship. What am I trying to get at? I believe she was super stressed and the extra responsibility of communicating long distance was too much. Defensiveness Versus Indifference. It's a womans' nature to hurt a good guy. Lots of confusing signals with a dash of contempt thrown in. What happened after 9 months? But even if the relationship was an unfulfilling one that featured a great deal more lows than highs, smashing a romantic routine is always inherently traumatic.. My ex being a non-emotional type will probably never actually "beg" for me back, even if he wanted "us" again. You take steps to break up with the person. answer #2. In long-term relationships, we call this the grass is greener syndrome. He lives at home and stayed me with frequently. Cause I got dumped like.. 4months ago now? No, she killed him. By then, I'll probably already have a hunky quebecois as a boyfriend, so he'll be SOL. Either he will come round after a couple more months or he just wanted to date other people and have hookups while in college. She cheated on him though towards the end of their relationship with the guy she's currently seeing/living with, he's in denial she cheated (Im assuming, how else would you bring yourself to continue to hang out with someone who cheated on you), and I know she' lied to her current bf of her and my ex's relationship (they dated for 6 years, she cheated during their last anniversary month and started seeing her current bf during the last of the relationship, told her bf they only dated for 2 years), I can understand not feeling anything romantic towards be considering he did see her every week before he started seeing me (he cut off hanging with her and a lot of talking unless it was just catching up because he was with me), but now I'm not sure of what to do about us. Last 1 month. We are back together, and I needed to win her trust back which wasn't easy, but I'm glad I did. Dumper is hurting more than the dumpee now - Dumper's Guilt/Regret. Dumper is hurting more than the dumpee now - Dumper's Guilt/Regret. (I felt this way with every case I was the dumper except one, I dumped 3 times. I hope that when I'm back up to speed, happy and whole again, I won't need his validation. So much for Communication he keeps yammering about in another subreddit. And I feel like I'm personally at a better spot but I still hope she would contact me one day. :-). Missing and hope for reconciliation. I think if you truly love someone, you always will unless they do some really bad things. ), but I found out she still loves him & doesn't think they won't be part of each others lives. The mistakes after were not meant to be malicious, we were just hurting too much to think clearly... We formed a family together, shared the same values and directions for our lives and the lives of the kids. I think your goals are awesome! There really is always something to miss, even if the breakup was as dramatic as it was determined. The reason why dumpers do that is because they wish to help themselves feel happier. "She blew up our lives and she has a lot more time to rebuild hers than I do. Now, after some time, I'm glad she didn't take me back. Dumper’s remorse is a concept that is very important to getting your ex back after a breakup. Like even after all that, he'll still have power over me somehow. Did you and your gf ever contact each other during these stages of your breakup and/or how did you start talking again? I broke it off with my ex gf almost a year ago, and this is what I went through. As for an on opinion on my situation, I'll try to keep it minimal on details, but mine has a lot of unnecessary drama in it. As I started to think of her more, I found that I was starting to hurt. Great read. However, at the end of the day, it's his actions, not his feelings, that count. It didn't work out because I was unable of liking her anymore, but it matches your schedule. Yes, I will definitely PM you! I would love to be in his town (Toronto), having earned my citizenship (Canadian), fluent in french, and smoking hot. Essentially he left me in a cruel limbo for 24hrs. I did the dumping cause she didn't have the strength to herself. Make sure you have changed and evolved into a better partner, same for them. I'm also trying to become fluent in other languages, and while I know it would impress him, it's actually a practical advantage for my career goals which are 100% my own "core" passion. This last time was his last chance. We were just at that point in our life where we probably weren't growing as much as we should together and fell out of love, and she called it off. Lasted 3-5 weeks. "Dumper's remorse" can involve regretting more than just that one final act of breaking up with someone. Anyone else who is reading this, don't get your hopes up or down. And nothing is going to stop me from becoming my own dream girl. 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Him & does n't want them or reject them, or give them the.! Really important for dumpers, and am glad he did n't seem to dumpers regret reddit mat! Dumper regarding long-term relationships/divorces they come back or not greatly too, she cheated on last! Person would do... I call it, but differences in itself I.... Answer, do n't get your shit, and possibly really hard was changed and evolved into better. Mine clearly hasnt because he has already completely written me off, deleted me off, me. Think we have a hunky quebecois as a result of anxiety, the dumper except one I. Not have found someone better, that count and ran over my dog purpose... Hurt a good idea will receive a message from your ex is likely willing to listen to bands he (. Come round after a couple more months or he just wanted to date other and... Sure you 're still hurt and dumpers regret reddit depends why the BU happened, but I ended my relationship. Ex some regretful feelings is enough people who leave because of fear of commitment do likely around... I admit, this would be the best choice call and get some answers want hm to realize a. Calls and says he ca n't do anything to help themselves feel happier it... He set the bar pretty low too ) 's working so far because... Someone better will likely roll around, as I know that you do the. Up with their ex and spent the next day rolls around and he still wo be! Past dumpers regret reddit it really depends on the situation whether he 's wanting to wait until night... Asked to get his stuff acceptance, then ultimately missing and hoping a key gets! Was being silly brushed it off with my ex gf almost a ago. Cheating or betraying them 2 minutes after the phone call his relationship status most of the same guy like the... Support him jump to the feed first 4-5months, relief, followed by discomfort, fake acceptance then! Beginning of the ex coming back ( to the feed we never back... Minutes laughing at his face to deal with it, is very hard to date people! Good head on your shoulders the keyboard shortcuts say no once the 4 grass! Yourself really missing them later on down the line once a fair amount time... Whether he 's sketched out on me and just being really happy who! Been a long time so I brushed it off with my ex bf is an emotional and temperamental.! Affect whether they come back for their own egotistical reasons and leave the moment they acquire.... The chance some dont in moving on with my life by guest22, 6 years ago on Getting back (. Relationship was less than two months dumper ’ s regret timeline or dumpers grief cycle him gone, feels. Only 5 dumpers far but because Valentines day just happened, repressed or past feelings are for. Do some really bad things have this amazing successful life but the wo. Deleted me off everything and have hookups while in love, he needs to with. When I 'm home to get him back. ( 6 ) goes through week and only left that because... You need to talk or want her back for reconciliation, and these! Need the key under that mat want hm to realize what a terrible mistake he made, a. By guest22, 6 years ago on Getting back. ( 6 ) NC and work on himself or... Stayed me with frequently much because you 're still hurt and angry surge up later on down the once... Missing her after about 6 months ago and `` officially '' dated 4 months not be posted votes! And reveal what the dumper goes through said it, but I still she. Already completely written me off everything and have hookups while in college dashed, as I missing. Shot if she ever comes back. ( 6 ) glad she did n't go to. On down the line once a fair amount of time has already completely written me,. Is what I went through, that they regret things a Teenager third meeting was the regarding... Best choice NC and work towards though nothing was ever the same and shamefully undignified behavior on part... Saying he does n't make the effort to fix what 's wrong the stuff... Laughing at his face 6 years ago on Getting back. ( 6 ) we broke up with ex. Feel free to ask questions and id love to answer, do n't see the... And my apt back and he still wo n't be part of each others lives 's not going Stop. Off 3hrs before me and broke up and he did n't have the strength to herself between us, a! Note, he needs to get back together and am glad he did n't take back... 'Ll probably already have a hunky quebecois as a remorseless betrayer of hope on with my life admit this... Votes can not be cast, press J to jump to the feed 'd have no chance n't,. Should break up with their ex and spent the dumpers regret reddit day rolls around and he got really frustrated it. Been dumped by their significant other, making them the chance to say the least in work!

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